AI BODIES, IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU PUKE

In a deeply confusing move, an organisation called The Bulimia Project asked artificial intelligence (AI) to produce the perfect human body prototypes of 2023. AI did what it does and trawled everything ever fed into the interwebs and, unsurprisingly, produced two specimens that are everything you’d expect them to be given the preponderance of the particular beauty stereotypes of the moment.

The AI spat out a generic male and a generic female model. He was tall, chiseljawed and flagrantly abbed in the manner of Ken, and she was blonde, willowy, flagrantly abbed and buxom in the way of Barbie.

To be clear, Barbie in the Margot Robbie Hollywood version about to hit our screens as opposed to all the Barbies of the universe that Mattell has been churning off the production line in the hope of ratcheting up “diversity” sales. Ken, to my knowledge, has never had a makeover. He is perennially Ryan Gosling. Of course, everyone of these perfect bodies has a six pack.

The Bulimia Project took this as proof that everything they’ve been saying about social media, the interwebs and the cultural production bias was right. The Barbie prism through which we’re fed the ideals of beauty is unrealistic and has negative consequences on impressionable children who are spending more time on their devices being exposed to these images.

It’s not so good for adults either. Fragile girls and boys and their parents and grandparents will be even more manipulated by AI on top of every other medium they are exposed to, especially because global brands are using AI to generate fake models to sell stuff. This is not to be confused with the real examples of physical perfection that have hitherto been used to sell us the dream — whatever dream the models are press-ganged into the photo studio to sell.

No-one is immune to the pressures of a six pack. Jeff Bezos and his girlfriend Lauren

Sanchez are the latest victims. Just last week she and the thirdrichest man in the world were seen in the throes of AI-induced body dysmorphia cavorting on the deck of his yacht oblivious to their own trauma somewhere in the Mediterranean.

The pictures show that he has completely lost his grip on reality and has given in to the pursuit of a six pack. He’s at least two abs in. Lauren is a lost cause. She has hit peak ab — in a pink bikini (no less) and looked practically AI perfect, as if she’d been airbrushed and chiselled from the algorithm of your biggest nightmares.

They’re still in their 50s but this AI stuff is real — and it’s casting a wide net across all generations.

On the cover of this week’s Sports Illustrated — the sourcebook of most AIgenerated visuals — was Martha Stewart, in her 81 years of glory. She’s snatched the title of oldest swimsuit model in the world from Maye Musk (Elon’s mom) who featured in last year’s edition. You may remember Martha from when she was in her own reality show version of Orange Is the New Black, due to her brush with white-collar crime along with the cooking-decorating extravaganza that is her media empire.

On the Sports Illustrated cover she makes a cheeky allusion to orange in a glamorous cape fetchingly draped over her swimsuit. She looks completely AI ready: Martha Stewart 2.0 — smooth, willowy and buxom. You can’t see her six pack but give AI a chance.

The Bulimia Project advises that everyone please wake up to this manipulation and resist the urge to run to the nearest loo to spew up your breakfast.