Men, only you can end violence against women

As the apartheid struggle showed, unity between men and women in all sectors is the way to beat a social evil, writes Judy Dlamini

In keeping with the theme of the global 16 Days of Activism campaign, the GenderBased Violence and Femicide (GBVF) Response Fund calls on men and women to unite in the fight against this scourge.

As a country we’ve faced many challenges. None was ever resolved by one gender or sector alone. To beat apartheid, men and women across all sectors worked together. To contain HIV/Aids, men and women worked together. To minimise the impact of the pandemic, men and women, from all sectors, worked together.

Why would the fight against gender inequality and GBVF be any different?

These are not exclusively women’s problems — it is only when we form partnerships across genders and sectors that we can deliver change. A society free from violence, with equal opportunity for all who live in it, is what we need to strive for.

No partnership is more important than a true and equal one between men and women.

The objectives of International Men’s Day, launched 30 years ago and marked on November 19, include:

● To promote positive role models, ordinary men who live honest and decent lives;

● To celebrate the positive contributions of men to society, community, family, marriage, childcare and the environment;

● To improve gender relations and promote gender equality; and

● To create a safer, better world, where people can be safe and grow to reach their full potential.

Leading by example

One of the 2022 themes for International Men’s Day is “celebrating men leading by example”. South Africa is blessed with many good men, whose contribution to a safe world is overshadowed by the few men who contribute to gender inequality and GBVF — which are two sides of the same coin. In keeping with the theme, good men should continue to lead by example to prevent and eradicate GBVF.

As we celebrate good men, we need to remind ourselves what it is that makes a good man. They create a safe environment for children, and a safe listening space for women. They are present fathers and partners. They respect themselves and others. When they lead, they promote diversity, inclusion and belonging across all social groups. They are not threatened by powerful women, but support leaders across social groups to achieve a common cause. They call out prejudice, in all its forms, wherever it rears its head. They understand and practise consent, and stand against rape culture.

Working with men as partners is critical to the prevention of GBVF. The most effective change agent is the one with power — and almost every sector of society is led by men, even sectors that are dominated by women. Men must use their power to drive the change our country needs.

Three years ago, the Irish Joint Consortium on GBV issued a “Learning brief on engaging men to end GBV”, which stressed that GBV should be addressed as a community and a development issue, because when women and children are not safe, development in that community is under threat. It noted that men usually engage easily with other men, so they can be influential agents of change at different levels:

● As husbands, fathers, brothers, uncles and sons — promoting more equitable gender relationships in the home;

● As peer educators, challenging their fellow men on the acceptability of GBV;

● As supporters of and carers for women victims, working to promote a safe environment so women feel safe to report violence, without any stigma;

● As police, members of the judiciary, legislators and religious leaders; and

● As community leaders — in many cases it is necessary to go through men to access members of the community, both men and women.

In all of this, men must work closely with women. As women say, “Nothing about us, without us.”

Many people still think GBV is only physical. We need to provide more education on all the ways it manifests: emotionally, psychologically, in inappropriate language and in other acts or utterances that devalue women. Looking the other way when an act of gender-harm is perpetrated makes us accomplices to GBVF.

A behaviour-change curriculum that looks at gender, sexuality and power relations has to be mandatory at all levels of the school system.

We need to see more men’s formations that are trained on GBV and behaviour that promotes social cohesion and equality within homes, at work and in churches. Let us seek out positive role models who can engage with other men.

GBVF is a health and human rights issue. We need to invest human and physical resources to eradicate it. We need more hands on deck — especially men.

The Bill of Rights declares everyone has a right to life, equality and human dignity. We need to make this a reality for all people in our lifetimes.

Indeed, it is the responsibility of men, working in partnership with women, to bring an end to GBVF.

It is the responsibility of men, working in partnership with women, to bring an end to GBVF