Following in Elvis’s footsteps — BTS: The Biopic

Sad news that the South Korean boy band is breaking up but rock ’n roll they are not.

As we all prepare to celebrate the life of the King of Rock ’n Roll with a stunning biopic, I’d like to remind everyone of the sad news this week coming from a group of teeny tiny princes of pop. The delightful combination that is BTS is breaking up, and here I’m not referring to a compost mix, but the South Korean boy band that announced they’re calling it quits at what appears to be the age of 10. The sudden split has unsurprisingly sent shock waves throughout the world. From New York to Seoul, fans are up in arms, some clinging in vain hope to ambiguous phrases such as an “indefinite hiatus” while others, I’m sure, can clearly see the writing is on the wall and that contains the words “solo projects” and “snap break”.

BTS is — was — a brave outfit. They broke the singing group mould with impunity, boasting a total membership of seven singing sensations smashing the traditional boy band tally of five. (I did pick up a strange trend online whereby many pictures only showed five fancily dressed youths. It seems in some cases two of the performers were cropped out — I can only assume on account of a lack of space on phone screens.)

BTS is widely regarded as a big deal. They’ve sold more than 32-million albums, making them the bestselling artists in South Korean history. According to Wikipedia, they also hold the bestselling album in South

Korea with Map of the Soul: 7 which corresponds well with their creative direction — which explores “psychological concepts and includes an alternative universe storyline”. Elsewhere, you’ll learn that their thoughtful lyrics are listened to by a wide spectrum of music lovers ranging from husbands mourning the loss of their spouses, to teenage girls, to celebrity wrestlers (John Cena is a fan).

Now, I’m not plugged into the music scene as much as I’d like to be. Everything you’ve read so far was news to me too. Watching the Grammys not too long ago, for instance, I knew the name of the host, Trevor Noah. Of all the artists present, I recognised none. It was only when the in-memoriam section rolled around that I recognised, and instantly mourned, the loss of one or two greats who’d passed away. Of bands put together by promoters after auditions, my knowledge runs equally shallow. To say that it took me nearly three decades to figure out who Sporty Spice was would be accurate.

Yet somehow the news of BTS caught my attention. The seven boys (a septet if you were wondering) have a penchant for vintage suits and can reportedly sing and dance, which made me wonder, now that the big break-up has been announced, whether we might not be destined for seven future biopics, each starring a little Elvis from the Korean peninsula.

I concede that rock in its purest form is quite a way removed from pop and that the chasm between the King of Rock ’n Roll and perhaps the world’s youngest and smallest impersonators is wide. But Elvis died eating cheeseburgers, did he not, and what could be more pop than that? And if the traditionalists cry foul, Jhope, or even Jungkook, could easily switch genres in a single track —a smash-up, I believe it’s called — and offer us a musical creation that’s never before been seen or heard. Lord knows, they have the talent.

Should this collaboration between K-pop and Hollywood come to pass, I’d like to see subtitles and that extra attention to production design that brought us the colourful, and decidedly murderous, Teletubbies of the Squid Game. A good idea might be to piggy-back on a past hit to create that all-important Oscar buzz.

Parasite: The Musical could do well, though I don’t care for actors breaking into song, and will most probably not pay to see such a mess. And, yes, of course, the movie would have to have a Western flavour to exempt it from the pit that is the foreign film category. To that end they might as well cast a double-chinned Tom Hanks again for the free world can’t seem to get enough of him. At the end there will be a message — a moral takeaway of some kind — or else we’d be left with a watered-down BTS concert, and who’d want to see that?

In this case, my hope is that we’ll leave the cinema and walk into the cool evening air buoyed by the thought that absolutely anyone can change the world through song and dance, if they put their mind to it.