HOGARTH

Foes kiss and make up with Mbeki

Critics of the 1996 class project were falling over themselves at the Native Intelligence’s 80th birthday jamboree at the Sandton Convention Centre last week. Blade Nzimande, who has been the boss of the SACP since God said “let there be light”, was seen smooching over Thabo Mbeki, seemingly having forgiven the Native Intelligence for spearheading programmes they perceived as privatisation of state assets when Mbeki was still at the helm. Even Castro Ngobese, a former Young Communist League mouthpiece who used to issue fiery statements condemning the Native Intelligence back in the day, was seen taking multiple selfies in a tuxedo. What did they say about politics and permanent enemies?

Reminder: we were once respected

Mbeki of course would use his speech to remind us that we were once respected by our peers on the continent and that African leaders looked up to him to provide solutions. Whether it was helping Mali stage a successful African Nations Cup, to building a library to save the Timbuktu manuscripts, or bringing peace in the DRC — he reminded us that we were once led. But to end his speech, he repeated that hilarious story of how he once returned a call from an ANC provincial office in the Western Cape and the party employee who picked up the call couldn’t recognise him. It’s about time this official came out to tell his or her side of the story because it seems we’ll never hear the end of it.

Actioning an end to the comrades

What’s really in a term of endearment, especially in politics? A lot, it seems. Herman Mashaba, the hairrelaxer mogul-turned-politician, has banned the word comrade in his Action SA party because, according to him, it denotes thugs and thieves masquerading as politicians.

“If anyone calls you comrade, you refuse, because they only call you comrade when they want to corrupt you. We are not communists, comrade is a communist term. In ActionSA, we are “actioners’,” he was quoted as having said. Umm, not really. The most basic dictionary defines comrade as a person who shares in one’s activities, occupation ... companion, associate, or friend. Some extend it to “a member of a Communist Party”. It is OK for Mashaba to not want his party members to be mistaken for communists, but actioners is a lot closer to auctioneers, and we are not sure that’s a profession he wants to associate the party with.

Johnnie turns to the Feds

The release of the final report of the state capture commission by chief justice Raymond Zondo had many in a tailspin. It seemed to have taken the heat off McBuffalo stuffing millions of dollars earned from livestock sales into couches at his Phala Phala homestead in Limpopo. But the ANC’s thieving faction and Desperate Alliance leader John Steenhuisen aren’t so keen to move on. John telephoned the FBI all the way in America to ask them to investigate whether McBuffalo’s dollar stash constitutes an international crime. Apart from Zuma spy Arthur Fraser’s wild allegations, he hasn’t given the Feds anything else to work with. Maybe he can tell us what jurisdiction he thinks they have here.

Snoozing heckling MPs ‘not overpaid’

Tone deaf, embarrassing and completely out of touch. This is how MPs, notorious for venturing into slumberland when not trading insults, were described by some sections of society this week.

This after parliament issued a statement, in the face of public outrage, justifying a 3% increase for MPs, whose entry-level salary is just over R1m. It’s a pay cheque that millions in this country can only dream of, right? Not according to the parliamentary communications machinery.

“For example, if an ordinary MP earns say R1.1m per annum, that includes the basic salary, a flexible portion, a travel allowance, a political office-bearers’ allowance, and a contribution to the pension fund.” A parliamentary spokesperson said once deductions such as tax have been factored in, MPs end up taking home a lot less.

We can think of many in SA who would happily accept that pay for snoozing in parliament, occasionally applauding boring speeches and heckling opposing members.